Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
