I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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