Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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