pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
