Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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