You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
