Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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