I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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