On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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