I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
