How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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