it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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