i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
