Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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