Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
