youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will pee on everything he values.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
