got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I won't apologize to a one balled man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
