He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
