You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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