Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
