this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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