he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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