I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
