for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
