u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
