Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize