Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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