Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
