rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
