I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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