Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
