In the future we'll all be gay
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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