doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
