I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
