I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
