I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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