True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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