I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
