you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize