So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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