Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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