I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
