So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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