He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
