I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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