chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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