Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
