You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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