she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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