The brown eye won't let me do that either.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
