Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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