Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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