I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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