reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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