That's intense
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
