if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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