I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
